The Marriage Relationship

I heard it once said, “marriage is friendship on fire.”  It truly is

From the book the Alchemist is is written, “I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you”.

To me the marriage relationship represents the pureness, the sweetness, the determined, the resilient, the trusting, the celebration and the perfection of love.  Love will always find its way to cry, laugh, forgive, and celebrate that life is meant to find those that make our soul sing.

As I considered what to say today the words celebration, courage, healing, family and second chance at love kept coming to me.

Your relationship, your Marriage and your life together is a celebration of each others uniqueness, beauty, and passion.  It is a celebration that life and existence is.

It has been said, “A man or woman who opens their heart to love you, when their heart has been already broken by loss and death, is braver than any person you will ever meet”.

Today is a celebration of the purity and eternal nature of love.  To me love transcends all space and time.  Love is a bridge that links hearts and heals souls between all dimensions of existence.

Today we also celebrate the love of those you have loved in this life and have moved from this reality to the next.  You now link your hearts with theirs.

There is something uniquely divine about two people choosing to share their lives with one another.  It has been said that the future is guaranteed to no one… so daily and even moment to moment celebrate that life and each other are precious gifts.

The reason we are here today is because of love.

But What is love?

We use the word love to describe so many different relationships.  There is brotherly love, there is sisterly love, there is motherly and fatherly love, there is friendship type of love, there is the love we have for our children, there is romantic love, there is I love my dogs “Louie and Remy” kind of love, there is the “forgive them for they know not what they do” type of of love, and the “of you that is without sin cast the first stone” type of love.

Love exists without condition, without expectation and it celebrates that existence is.

The poet Helen Steiner Rice wrote:

“Love is like magic and it always will be.

For love still remains life’s sweet mystery.

Love works in ways that are wondrous and strange

And there is nothing in life that love cannot change.

Love can transform the most commonplace

Into beauty and splendor and sweetness and grace.

Love is unselfish, understanding and kind,

For it sees with its heart and not with its mind.

Love is the answer that everyone seeks…

Love is the language that every heart speaks.

Love can’t be bought; it is priceless and free,

Love, like pure magic is life’s sweet mystery.”


When you use the following words frequently in your marriage; you will be richly blessed:

Thank You,

I am sorry,

Please forgive me,

I love you.

Remember, “perspective is in the eye of the beholder”, Therefore, when you can see a situation or event through the eyes of another you will have true empathy.

It has been said that, “Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace”.  So in your relationship, Be and speak peacefully.

William Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

As you live life without expectations, everything that you receive in your life becomes a gift.

Marriage is the one relationship in life that you learn the most about yourself.

Recognize your personal accountability in all arguments, misunderstandings, and problems.

Look very closely and identify your accountability.  This is the beginning of forgiveness and peace.

Accountability creates honesty and trust in any relationship but most of all in a marriage relationship.

The key to accountability is humility.

Humility is a quality of character that is sometimes misunderstood.  People often equate humility with meekness, weakness, or passive behavior.

To the contrary, humility is a quality of strength and is a high level maturity.

Humility is the habit of living in the truth.

“The humble man or woman sees themselves as they really are.  They acknowledge their weaknesses and shortcomings, but also their strengths and abilities.”

Marriage is a relationship in which our ability to live in humility is often tested.   Marriage will reveal your level of maturity more than any other relationship.

The intensity of the marriage relationship, with intimacy and familiarity unlike any other relationship often brings out the best and the worst in us.

It is the perfect place to practice habits of humility.

Admitting when we are wrong, showing grace to our partner, and practicing gentleness, respect, and patience are essential to a happy marriage.

Be the first to apologize.  Come from a space of kindness, humility and love even if the other is not ready to apologize yet.

Nothing extinguishes the fire of an argument quicker than the words… I am sorry.

When your actions are motivated by love, the least effort is expended.  However, when you seek power and control over another, you waste energy and the flow of love is impeded.

~From the ancient Sanskrit it is written…

“Look to this day.

For it is life,

The very life of life…

For yesterday is only a dream,

And tomorrow is only a vision

But today, well lived,

Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.”

Service is the purest form of love… so serve one another.

Be grateful everyday for the gift of each other.

When you show each other gratitude, humility, kindness and love, your love for each other will grow forever.


The Wedding ring is the most famous and instantly recognizable symbol of joining of a man and a woman as husband and wife in the relationship of marriage, it has a long, wide spread and mysterious history.

Its beginnings lie in the deserts of North Africa, where the ancient Egyptian civilization sprang up along the fertile flood plains of the river Nile.

This river was bringer of all fortune and life to the Pharaoh’s people and from plants growing on its’ riverbanks were the first wedding rings fashioned.

The ring is of course a circle and this was the symbol of eternity for the Egyptians as well as many other ancient cultures.  It had no beginning and no end, like time.

It returned to itself, like life. The shape was worshipped in the form of the Sun and the Moon.

The hole in the center of the ring is not just space; it is important in its own right as the symbol of the gateway, or door; leading to things and events both known and unknown, seen and unseen.

In closing, I would like to share something that was written 600 years before the time of Christ by an ancient Chinese philosopher by the name of Lao Tzu called “Always Return”.

“It is good to know your strength

But always return to your flexibility

If you cradle your beloved in your arms

In nurturing gentleness,

Love will flow through you.

It is good to achieve things

But always return to anonymity.

Your beloved does not need your achievements

But needs your uncomplicated soul.

It is good to work for change,

But always return to what is.

If you accept all things whether painful or joyful

You will always know

That you belong to each other


For me this day and your relationship can be summarized by the following quote:

 “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.  It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”  


I am honored and blessed to share this special day with you.  You are the very reason I love doing weddings.  Love for me is like magic.  Love heals all wounds, it speaks to me of eternity, it gives me strength to stand in my power and it is the one place that I am truly grateful to be me…

The Law of Vibration

The Law of vibration may not be as well known as the Law of Attraction.  However, the Law of Vibration serves as the foundation for the Law of Attraction.

Everything in the universe is energy.  As we travel down through the sub atomic level we find pure potential energy.   It has been described as the unified field, quantum field, and an ocean of pure potentiality.

This Universal Law of vibration states that everything in the Universe moves and vibrates, everything is vibrating at one frequency or another. Nothing rests. Everything you see around you, including you, is vibrating at one frequency or another.  However, your unique frequency is unlike any other frequency in the universe – hence it seems like you are separated from what you see around you – people, animals, plants, trees, etc.  However you are not separate.  You are an ocean of energy, pure limitless potentiality.  We simply individualize ourselves through the filtration of our nervous systems.  But at our most fundamental level we are one.   A unified field of Harmonic vibrational interactions that create limitless potentialities.  These potentialities are activated and made manifest by observation and choice.

The law of vibration states that anything that exists in our universe, whether seen or unseen, broken down into and analyzed in it’s purest and most basic form, consists of pure energy or light (photons) which resonates and exists as a vibratory frequency or pattern. All matter, as well as thoughts and feelings, has its own vibrational frequency. The thoughts, feelings and actions we choose also have their own particular rates of vibration. These vibrations will set up resonance with whatever possesses identical frequency. In other words, your thoughts and emotions are inseparably connected to the rest of the universe. “Like attracts like”.  The idea that opposites attract is actually a falsehood.

Everything in the manifest universe is ultimately composed of packets of energy; quantized units vibrating at specific frequencies. Quantum physicists has shown that, although matter may appear to be solid, when you look at it through a high-powered microscope, so that it is broken down into its smallest components: molecules, atoms, neutrons, electrons and quanta (the smallest particles measurable), it is ultimately mostly empty space interspersed with energy.  Everything, including you and me is essentially comprised of empty space packed with pure potential energy.  Objects that appears solid on the quantum level are nearly completely empty space.

For us, thought and emotion is where it all begins. As my conscious mind dwells habitually on thoughts of a certain quality, these become firmly imbedded within the subconscious mind. They become the dominant vibration.  This has also been called neural plasticity.  Which means you have the ability to create elastic, flexible and pliable thoughts, emotions, and habits or rigid, dense, and unalterable emotions, thoughts and habits.  This is exactly how cognitive dissonance occurs, when an alternate opinion or idea comes into conflict with a preconceived idea, belief, world view, religion, etc etc.  Either you fight the new information or be flexible to it and be open to new possibilities.  This dominant vibration sets up a resonance with other similar vibrations and draws them into your life.  Your thought and emotional vibrations effect everything around you,  your environment, the people and animals around you, the inanimate objects, even the seemingly ‘empty’ space and they, in turn, affect you.

Your feeling at the present moment dictates your vibration.  It is said that feeling is a word to define the conscious awareness of vibration.

Everything that we experience with our five physical senses is conveyed through vibration.  Thoughts and feelings have specific vibrational frequencies, therefore what you feel, think, and dwell on you will create.




The Great Nothingness

All things come from the great nothingness, but within this nothingness contains everything that there is.

Stop striving and know you have already arrived.  There is no use in planning for a future.  When you get to the future and it becomes the present you won’t be there.  You will be living in some other future that has not yet arrived.  So in this way you are never able to enjoy the fruits of your life if you are always striving for some future reward.  You cannot live at all unless you can live fully now.

You are the fabric and structure of existence itself. Underneath the superficial self that pays attention to this and that, there is another self, more really us than I… The more you become aware of the unknown self… the more you realize that it is inseparably connected to everything else that there is.

You are a function of this total galaxy, bounded by the milky way and this galaxy is a function of all other galaxies.  One day you will wake up and look at the night sky and say… Why that is me! and in knowing this, know that you will never die.

You are the eternal thing that comes and goes.  The experience you are having that we call ordinary everyday consciousness pretending that you are not it… that experience is the exact same thing as it.  There is no difference at all.

The source of all light is in the eye… if there were no eyes in this world the sun would not be light.  You evoke light out of the universe in the same you way you determine what is hard in relation to your soft skin.  Hardness and heaviness is all determined by lightness and softness.

It is your ear drum that evokes noise out of the air.  You by being this organism call into being this whole universe of light and color, hardness and heaviness and everything.

Each one of us is an aperture in which the whole universe looks out, only the game we are playing is not to know this.

What you call the external world is as much you as your own body.  Your skin does not separate you from the world it is a bridge from which the external world flows into you and you flow into it.

What you are is the fabric and structure of existence itself and when you find this out you laugh yourself silly.

The beauty of Nothingness.  If you really go the whole way and see how you feel about the prospect of vanishing forever…  With all your efforts and all you achievements turning to dust… nothingness.  What is the feeling?  What happens to you?  That is what it is all going to come to and for some reason or another we are supposed to find this depressing.  Do you see in a way that this is saying that the most real state is the state of nothingness?

If someone is going to argue that the basic reality is the state of nothingness, where did everything come from?  Obviously it came from nothingness.  Once again you get how it looks behind your eyes.  So in this way by seeing that nothingness is the fundamental reality…you see it is your reality.  Then how can anything really terminate?

The idea of you being put out and scared and worried is just nothing… it is just a dream, because you are really nothing, but this is the most incredible nothing.

So cheer up…  the essence of your mind is intrinsically pure…pure means clear/void.

If you think of this nothingness as mere blankness, and you hold onto the idea of blankness and you are kind of grizzly about it, you have not understood it…

This nothingness is like the nothingness of space which contains the whole universe. All is contained within this void and out of this void comes everything, and you are it!

What else could you Be?

You Define I

The earth is not a big rock infested with living organisms anymore than your skeleton is bones infested with cells.  The earth is geological, but this geological entity grows people and our existence on this earth is a function of the solar system and its balances.

When you as a scientist describes the behavior of a living organism, you say what a organism does, this is the only way you can describe what an organism is.  Describe what they do.  And then you find out that by making this description you cannot confine yourself to only what happens in while in your skin.  You cannot talk about a person walking unless you start describing the floor.  I move in relationship to the territory.  Talking must be described by you being the one I am speaking to.  In order to describe my behavior, I must describe your behavior and the behavior of the environment, it means that we only have one system of behavior.

That what I am involves what what you are… I dont know who I am unless I know who you are.  And you don’t know who you are unless you know who I am.

A wise Rabi once said…”If I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I…Then I am not I and you are not You”.  We are not separate… we define each other… We are all backs and fronts to each other.  We are implicit to each other.

We and our environment and all of us and each other and interdependent systems… We know who we are in terms of other people

We are in great need of coming to feel that we are the eternal universe.

Dr. Alan Watts